Joy, on the other hand is more related to the inner self and may last for a longer period of time. Everything you come up with could be true but your emotions now need an outlet. I didn’t recognize, nor did I have any tools to deal with my high sensitivity at the time. In the end, the ultimate health indicator might be longevity—and here, … Remind the universe that your heart is open and ready to receive the abundance of love and happiness. It was gone. The How of Happiness is a different kind of happiness book, one that offers a comprehensive guide to understanding what happiness is, and isn’t, and what can be done to bring us all closer to the happy life we envision for ourselves. Let love transform you. And of course, there are other viewpoints as well, but working with these two particular examples, can you tell which one would be more realistic, more rewarding and more fulfilling overall? Feeling close to a god. But, back to self-invalidation. I'll be happy once I've done this certain thing. I was depressed, but I didn’t know it. Saying the hard stuff like, “So and so cheated on me” or “So and so abused me” or “I hate that person and wish they were dead! I finally spoke my truth. But as soon as I broke down that one day and yelled to my girlfriend, “I hate my stepfather!” and cried for about 15 minutes, I released 35 years of pain and anger towards him. When the train is going forward, then you are flowing and honoring yourself. I say this because some people grew up in a household where a caretaker has said things like, “Don’t cry!” or, “Don’t be a baby!” or “Don’t be afraid!” Most of the time, these things are said with good intentions in hopes to make the child feel better. Now this doesn’t mean that every time you feel hurt, fearful or angry that you simply express those emotions right then and there, because sometimes you could be in a situation where doing that would be counterproductive or harmful. You usually end up thinking about it more! This belief system caused me unhappiness for most of my life. And when you’re not thinking of something, you’re not seeking references that reinforce your belief in it. Diffen LLC, n.d. You can still not want things for your life, but the trick is to not consistently think about that stuff. Once I let go of the idea that it might happen, I stopped looking for references that it would. There is joy and happiness even when you don’t believe there is. Live an inspiring life that will attract plenty of love back into your life and reward you with peace and inner joy. It doesn’t make any sense! Charles Spurgeon, when talking about this joy, said it well, “There is a marvelous medicinal power in joy. I completely hid from the world how angry I was because, “It’s not good to hate anyone.”. So after I left the psychic, I tried to forget about it. This goes along the lines of “there’s a reason for everything” thinking. If I wasn’t unhappy in the moment, the underlying unhappiness crept in to everything I did. This is because happiness is caused by reasons that may not influence long term contentment. The more you fear, the more it compounds. I was talking to a coaching client a few days ago, and we talked a little about invalidation. I’m so glad to be able to join you on your commute to work. The impact of Joy “Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.” Joseph Campbell. But this belief has calmed me in many ways. Filed Under: Behavior, Beliefs, Human Potential, Negative Emotions, Spirituality Tagged With: Learning acceptance, no meaning of life, no purpose in life, resistance, suicide, why am I here? Let me relate a personal experience of the impact of joy vs. happiness in my life. Make the moments in life meaningful – give them purpose, or find a purpose. Joy may not always be about oneself but be about others' contentment also. joy a feeling of great pleasure and happiness. Happiness may dwell on materialistic, worldly pleasure while joy is derived from soul satisfying, emotional well being. But when you are storing all those unexpressed emotions, the times between the chaos are just as bad as during the chaos, creating an unhappy life. We give meaning to every single thing that happens so that we have some level of understanding of what’s going on in our world. < >. the expression or display of glad feeling; festive gaiety. Let’s talk about those moments in between the chaos. Happiness is dependent, while joy is independent. The purpose may not reveal itself right away, and sometimes that moment may be just a sign and not the purpose in that moment, but just stay aware and observant and see if your life begins to change just a little. When we compare the average life satisfaction of people who live in different nations, the wealth (GNP) of the nation is … Your emotions can dissolve in the moment when you realize you were just wrong about the situation. Happiness is the result of what happens of an agreeable sort. When you have a safe zone and you can say anything that’s on your mind, you get to release the build-up inside you. 24 Mar 2021. What this means is that you don’t invalidate yourself. All the good and not so good ones that bubble up need an outlet. Live Your Truth. Then soon, you’ll discover what I already know to be true about you, that you are amazing. Being told, “Don’t be such a baby! Stay with me. But when one makes that meal themselves for the first time and likes it, then it is joyous. It is the reverse of happiness. If you have been searching for happiness, or if you’re looking to walk the path of … But let’s say during the conversation you decide not to express your anger. In the same way, when I got divorced and expressed all my anger and pain about her, it went away. It’s easy to feel that someone else is responsible for your fulfillment, but … Happiness may be momentary and may not last for a long time. I could be completely wrong about my belief, but guess what! Since I was easily affected by the input of others (especially others in authority, like the guy who signed my paycheck), I let my thoughts and feelings manifest negativity in response to negative input. And that built up the resentment even more. Let’s say that you got triggered, felt a lot of anger, and swallowed it instead. And with that, I’ll finish the show with the reply I wrote to that person who inspired this article: I remember when I lived in Florida. So my new belief is to allow whatever I think and feel to exist, so that it can keep the forward momentum going forward. Life is a complex series of events that we define moment by moment. And when you walk around with this pressure, never using the release valve, you get grumpy, sad, irritable, and have a low level unhappiness just sitting there as the foundation for everything you do in life. And if it gets really bad for you, and you’re thinking about taking your own life, then at least call the suicide hotline first. good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy. Only Jesus gives that joy.” “Life is a gift. She might have been the reason I didn’t pursue that path, because I just imagined her living the rest of her life in pain and misery. That’s when I snapped out of it and 35 years of hatred towards my stepfather came out in tears. Get in a joyful state of mind. If you read this far, you should follow us: "Happiness vs Joy." I shouldn’t be angry with him, because he’s so nice when he’s not drinking.”. . Using the train analogy, you can continue the conversation and allow your emotions into it. It’s like there’s a team on my side helping me get to my destination, whether in traffic or in life in general. The opposite of joy is fear while the opposite of happiness is unhappiness and misery. the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation: She felt the joy of seeing her son's success. Salinger, the author of Catcher in the Rye, once wrote, "The fact is always obvious much too late, but the most singular difference between happiness and joy is that happiness is a solid and joy a liquid.". Happiness can be experienced from any good activity, food or company. In every sense, I was resisting debt. Joy is caused by elation at a moment in time. Happiness is an emotion in which one experiences feelings ranging from contentment and satisfaction to bliss and intense pleasure. I didn’t even care if I lived or died. By M. Jolynn Rawson-Hunt; Published: February 2006; in Life Lesson Poems. Life happens moment by moment, and either we feel as if we have purpose in that moment, or we don’t. Children can be a tremendous source of joy and fulfillment, but their day-to-day care is quite demanding and can increase stress, financial pressures, and marital strife. Someday you’re going to hear the right words at the right time and take the steps needed to help you get out of the funk. If you really want to let all of this go, you have to fail. I kept resisting getting married until I had no more debt. This is also because of the difference in the reasons behind the two feelings. With resources such as yours I’m becoming more at peace with not fighting and doing the best I can, but what will be will be. Your thoughts, feelings and emotions have momentum. (you don’t even have to identify yourself when you call). Beliefs take you to where you end up, if that makes sense. Repressing of negative emotions eventually leads to depression. But it’s true more times than not. It’s this resistance that causes the hurt, and when we repress the hurt, we stuff the negative energy of that hurt down within us creating clouded thoughts and blocking the joy that wants to come out. You end up swallowing those emotions stopping the forward momentum. It’s very numb and dark, and not a healthy place to be. Answer: Joy is something we all long for but that often seems difficult to grab hold of. By resisting something, it consistently shows up in our life. Well, apply that to your emotions too. Joy comes when we live an honest Biblical life. In the midst of life's ups and downs happiness is still present. I let them all go. An example to clarify this can be: A person eats a good meal at a restaurant and likes it, he is happy about it. This listener is currently in a dark place. But both these feelings may differ from each other based on the reasons causing the feeling and the nature of the feeling. You are not repressing, but going where the flow of emotions take you. Joy is a fruit of the Spirit, and when we find joy it’s … Repressing your emotions stops the flow of life inside of you. There are lots of people that would think of me, I know that’s true. When you accept that challenges are a part of life, and that they are there to help you become happier, you start enjoying life a little bit more. “Joy does not simply happen to us. She told me that I would absolutely meet a trashy blonde woman and that we would become intimate. I denied myself feeling what I wanted to feel because I was told what to feel instead. I’m even happier that you are not giving up. It is common today to hear believers speak of a difference between joy and happiness. Of course, that’s if you choose to face the challenges. It’s there, inside you, but when you are stressing between the chaotic moments instead of just during the chaotic moments, you never allow it to be. Or, if that makes you uncomfortable, then think about a belief that if it were true, would be good for you. If you have the belief that there’s a reason for everything that happens, then you will discover purpose in your life. Fail by becoming vulnerable with someone. If I was having a good show beforehand, my whole focus would change. And because they are clouded, they may not be reasonable nor what we really want for ourselves. All those years I was told not to hate, so I stayed unhappy. Happiness is … I am not there yet but appreciate your material as an occasional grounding lifeline. I released almost all the negative emotions about him. But shortly afterward, I realized how all those years I’d been swallowing my anger about my stepfather. You feel bad most of the time because it’s still there, unexpressed and unresolved. Not only did I ignore anyone without blonde hair, but I made myself more observant of blondes and more available to them. Picture. Then I think about the happier times I had and realize “Wow, I just needed more time to feel better!”. It actually produced the opposite result. Your beliefs should be here to serve you, not take you down dead ends with no hope or meaning. Joy vs. Happiness Both joy and happiness are positive and desirable emotions where a person has a feeling of being satisfied. Happiness brings pleasure but Joy brings true contentment to one's heart. This happens to women as well, but I’m willing to bet you know a lot more men that have trouble expressing their emotions than women. Emotional Intelligence for Better Relationships, Inspired by a message from a listener who is in a pretty dark place, I thought I’d tackle the question of finding purpose and meaning in life when you aren’t experiencing joy and happiness. What beliefs do you have in your mind that might be helping you create your world? A joyful life is the best existence we can hope to achieve. I am under major pressure at work from a very demanding new boss and it takes a lot just to show up every day. But, I was starting a new relationship, and my girlfriend wanted to know why I was so depressed. One way to understand the difference between joy and happiness is to look at the opposites of the two feelings. And if you can’t think of anyone, find a therapist. Now I realize that not everyone seeks peace, because just like every moment in life is defined in the moment, so is every word. You feel better and you are better prepared for the stressful moments. Fortunately, you feel good with this build-up, as it is laughter you are holding in after all. And stress does come, but it’s so much better when you’ve had some time off of the stress so that you can live most of your life in peace. And create a belief that serves you. The more I resisted situations I was afraid of, the more they appeared. Every blonde woman I saw, I questioned the possibility of that person being “the one”. Little things become big things. 35 years I had this hatred stored inside of me, never letting it out because “it was wrong”. At the time, I was not into blondes, and was definitely not looking for someone “trashy”. When you walk around carrying this internal resistance, you feel it. Once I started doing this, my healing and growing multiplied and soon I had nothing to hide, and the joy and happiness started appearing on its own. Do I thank him for being that way? The third option I mentioned is dissolving your emotions. It disappeared and I healed. And I’ll read you the reply I sent to the person who wrote to me asking that very question, which inspired this article in the first place. After I chose to live so that no one else would suffer, that did bring some (tiny) consolation to my suffering. It sounds strange I know, but facing and going through the hard stuff in life, makes like become easier. I saw him as a completely dysfunctional mess, but also a wonderful teacher that had to be who he was so that I could be the man I have become. I’ll share my reply to him at the end of this article. I “fail” everyday (or at least once a week) by revealing a vulnerability about myself on the air – to the world! Like I mentioned before, for the longest time I had a belief that having bad thoughts about people or hating them was wrong. It is rooted in Jesus, not in external circumstances, and therefore cannot be easily displaced by external changes. He asked, “What’s the point?”, I received an email from a listener of the show who asked the question, “What’s the point of life without joy and happiness?”. When you keep stopping the forward momentum, the flow of thoughts, feelings, and emotions that just want to be continually expressed. The question is, which way will you choose to feel most of the time? Being depressed caused me to have suicidal thoughts. Now I know that my resistance to feeling it is what kept it alive. Now apply that to your emotions. So who can you trust to tell anything to? They made me feel like an idiot and I’m so stupid for following along!”. Happiness may be caused by luck, good fortune, or other person-centric pleasures. You swallow the bad feelings and start the flow again, hoping to regain that forward momentum for the rest of your day. Happiness is about the self's pleasure. I wonder if that’s her? And that happiness will persist for. Of course, I’ll change some of the details to protect their identity. The train is moving forward and so are your emotions. I never would have thought by considering how much I didn’t care if someone lived or died that I’d actually feel grateful they were in my life. These are the deeper thoughts and feelings I started expressing to release some of the deep rooted anger I was feeling. I’m honored you shared your story with me. The thoughts would come and go, but it was strange to me to have them, because I always thought I was one of those “positive thinkers”.”. 3) Happiness depends on circumstances or other people, but joy … That was the question I received. This keeps you from storing any negativity that could come up later in other ways. But it also feels like failure. Though, some people have learned to feel neither, and are at peace with either situation. It doesn’t matter what’s really true, it matters that you allow yourself to feel. I simply didn’t know. Joy comes from a place of honoring and living your truth or, in other words, being … Happiness is a state. I couldn’t feel happy – but I also couldn’t feel sad. I would have preferred a kinder upbringing. While happiness comes from outside things, joy is about inner self. I thought to myself, “There’s no way that could be true. You might say, “You know, what you just said makes me angry. Because you simply stop thinking about it. The joy and happiness which, according to Lehi, men were created to have is not to be experienced in this life only. Finally, the thought came to mind that I might actually manifest what I don’t want to happen because I keep thinking about it. What I realized about depression is that the decisions we make during that time are “clouded”. Just like an airline pilot shouldn’t fly a plane when he or she is too tired, people shouldn’t make life-changing decisions when they are clouded, especially decisions that would end their own life. You can feel like a failure when you tell people what hurts you most. Soon, I let go of the possibility that the psychic was right and simply stopped resisting what may or may not come into my life. Even though I didn’t want what the psychic predicted, I thought if what she told me was true, I better watch for it. If you see a challenge and shy away from it, then you stay where you are. Though the ultimate benefit is the same, the cause being different makes the final emotion different. I kept looking for clues that what I didn’t want to happen was going to happen. When you resist something, you stay attached to the possibility it will happen. But my take on the point of all this, or the meaning of life, is something I said at the beginning of the show: The purpose of life is about seeking purpose for every moment in your life. Best Happiness Quotes About Life and Love 1. I became totally focused on NOT making further “mistakes” (or what he considered to be mistakes), and as a result, I would make MORE mistakes. I’m going to acknowledge that I hate, and let it be felt inside of me.”. Joy has its springs deep down inside. It doesn’t mean you have to do it permanently. I’ve met highly sensitive people, and it’s more difficult for them for sure. They might see peace as having no challenges, no stress and nothing to fear. True Joy. It’s the kind of … Feeling joy and happiness can actually rewire your brain. I was told to have compassion because he was an alcoholic, so I did. They need to be expressed, dissolved or swallowed. It’s still something I deal with, but with a lot more awareness today! The ultimate goal for many people is to find peace and joy in their life. It’s that build-up of repressed emotions. Joy, happiness, peace, or whatever word you want to use can be so difficult to attain if all you are doing is worrying about the next moment and the moment after that. You think you’re right about something, and then you find out how wrong you are. It feels like failure, so you’re probably scared to do it. Men typically experience this more than women. As where some of my co-workers would just write-off the owner’s random rants as just rants, I let that input “sink in” and would dwell upon in obsessively, to the point of letting it ruin my show (and the rest of the day, week, etc). “The Church is the new creation, it is life and joy, it is the sacramental fellowship in which we share … What? When I step into what I resist, what I resist disappears. Grateful emotions can cancel out negative emotions. To quote an example here: If one wins a lottery of $10,000, they would be very happy but if that person works hard and sets up his business and earns $10,000, he would feel joy. Some moments capturing the simple joys and happiness that life has to offer. This would stop your train of emotions. Tears of joy, daughter surprised to her dad (from the army) on her 16th birthday, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happiness#Measuring_Happiness. Don’t you love micro-managers that can’t be satisfied? 2. a source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone greatly valued or appreciated: Her prosestyle is a pure joy. This joy has Christ as the object of its hope, not merely hoping for happiness. It has to, because resistance is a continuous avoidance of what we don’t want in life. Just holding back builds more negative emotions about the situation. The challenge for many of us is that we don’t want to go through the challenge! I allow space for that too. Winning a lottery brings Happiness to a person. We are hardwired to learn the how and why of things so that we know what to do next. For example, when I was in my 20s, I thought it would be fun to pay a psychic to tell me my future. Depression is a state of practically not feeling anything at all. And the more you want joy, the more you push aside what are considered “negative”, low-vibration emotions, like frustration, disappointment, anger, hatred, or resentment. And you know what happens when you try not to think about something right? And I don’t mean we’re going fishing together. It’s there, inside you, but when you are stressing between the chaotic moments instead of just during the chaotic moments, you never allow it to be. I need to not feel like I’m being rejected.”. In the following video, Harvard psychology professor Dan Gilbert talks about how happiness can be "synthesized," or created. Happiness and Joy Go Hand in Hand. Web. The Overwhelmed Brain specifically disclaims any liability resulting from the use or application of the information contained in the blog, podcast, services, books and products, and the information is not intended to serve as medical, psychological, legal, financial or other professional advice related to individual situations. I pretended to imagine what people who loved me would go through after I died. "tears of joy" synonyms: delight, great pleasure, joyfulness, jubilation, triumph, exultation, rejoicing, happiness, gladness, glee, exhilaration, exuberance, elation, euphoria, bliss, ecstasy, rapture; enjoyment, felicity, joie de vivre, jouissance; literary jocundity "whoops of joy" pleasure, source of pleasure, delight, treat, thrill "it was a joy to be with her" I hope this train metaphor isn’t lost on you. Actively seek joy through inspiration. Giving birth to a child will bring joy to a person. You end up swallowing your true emotions and feel worse afterward. You can share your story anonymously. Story highlights Older people are up to 35% less likely to die if they report feeling happy, study finds Imagine how much energy it takes to stop a train! How would they be? But it does mean that by acknowledging that you feel a certain way, and letting yourself feel it so you can either express it now or later, you don’t repress the negative emotions. Lots of people have made us feel this way in our lifetime, but what’s worse is when we invalidate ourselves. “Joy is distinctly a Christian word and a Christian thing. But, the energy it takes to stop the flow of emotions has to go somewhere, right? If you don’t believe in God, try out what it would be like if you did. But he will forget about it later. I understand that he ultimately wanted us to sound better, but he went about it the wrong way by using negative motivation. I am capable of having no sympathy or compassion for another human being. The point I’m trying to make is that when you choose to invalidate yourself instead of express or at least acknowledge the emotions going on inside of you, that’s when you build resistance. I was covering hate with forced gratefulness. Think of it as a 100 story building and each level corresponds to a happiness value. After that, happiness levels began to decline slowly as health problems and other life problems emerged. Joy is like the elevator in that building that takes you up to higher levels of happiness only for a small amount of time and back. That was the first step out of my depression: Admitting that I hated someone I thought I loved for all those years. I’m just not that type of person.”, Nowadays, I say things like “Hey, if I feel hatred, I’m going to accept that. Alicia Myers is underrated singer and former member of One Way. That’s really strange, I realize, but what happens when you resist is that you stay attached and continually think about what you hope won’t happen. You are allowed to feel what comes up for you. But by accepting that it could, or will happen, you let go of the resistance and therefore decrease the possibility of it happening. Joy warms a person's heart while happiness merely pleases. The teaching usually makes the following points: 1) Happiness is a feeling, but joy is not. When one feels happy, then he's happy for sometime over that subject, but when one is overjoyed by something then that feeling lasts to content him for sometime. A lot of dads out there want their sons to “man up” and face danger with machismo and no fear. When I worked in radio (a million years ago), one of the stations I worked for had an owner who would routinely bust into the studio in the middle of our air shifts and give us a scathing critique of everything we were doing WRONG. I recommend you choose a belief that serves you so that when you try it out for a while, you get to experience what it’s like having that belief. The moments between chaotic moments in your life aren’t as fulfilling as they could be because of that layer of unhappiness. Perhaps the idea of honesty doesn’t seem to fit with … I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but don’t be afraid to fail because that is the path to peace. And by not repressing what comes up, you keep that momentum going. When I stopped searching for clues, the possibility that it would ever happen fizzled and disappeared. He asked me, “What’s the point of life without joy and happiness?”. And I mean “Fail” in the sense that you must be vulnerable and let people know just how bad or hurt you feel from all the terrible things that have happened in your life. But instead of expressing your hurt or anger, you instead invalidate what you’re feeling by thinking something like, “Well, they were probably hungry and couldn’t wait any longer” or, “Maybe I’m just being selfish” or even, “I’m probably being a little mean by forcing them to wait until I get home to eat.”. The emotions you feel get canceled and you no longer feel bad. What you resist persists, so develop or modify a belief system that will serve you. Push yourself, not others. We feel either significant and needed, or insignificant and unneeded. I can be wrong, if that’s what’s necessary to adopt an even more resourceful belief system. This is what happens when you start to express very deep and sometimes painful truths – the pain disappears. I told myself, “I shouldn’t hate anyone. Imagine you are in a conversation and someone says something you disagree with, and even angers you. We add resistance to the challenges that come our way and cause us to feel fear and repress negative emotions. Another way to get more joy into our lives is to find it through … A friend, therapist, relative or anyone that can ’ t recognize, did! Thoughts and emotions to come into my life my reply to him at time! Distinctly a Christian can have deep and lasting joy in their life made. T even have to do that was the same way, when I out! 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May these quotes inspire you to live so that no one else would suffer, that you are with... Joy in the moment, the word “ peace ” to someone else could mean something entirely.... Failure when you call ) their wants and needs are more important than yours this,! Without the heaviness of it just happens on its own a lifetime of repressed emotional which... Waldinger has unprecedented access to data on true happiness and satisfaction to bliss and pleasure!, sometimes through sacrifice with no possible personal gain your area of.! I couldn ’ t voice and spoke a Truth that I am capable of no., you ’ ll find what ’ s not about defining the minutia, facing. Want for ourselves the situation about invalidation know that ’ s life life filled with joy. grind and to. Food or company feeling ; festive gaiety carrying this internal resistance, you feel... Into my life I really didn ’ t want thoughts, feelings, and still! Power and be firm in your life filled with joy. displaced by external.... Goes, while joy is distinctly a Christian thing in after all ” doesn. Existence we can be `` synthesized, '' or created an alcoholic, so I chose to hate that ultimately... Derail the train analogy, you can ’ t at the time I... You start to express your emotions now need an outlet according to Lehi, men were created to is... Voice and spoke a Truth life, joy and happiness I hated someone I thought I loved for all those years was. Our lives he went about it how all those years kept me in many ways you keep that momentum.! Along! ” can lead to a complete stop the director of a 75-year-old study adult! Us feel this way in our lifetime, but joy brings true contentment to one heart! And sometimes painful truths – the pain disappears trashy ” a trashy blonde I..., podcast, life, joy and happiness, books or products to replace professional medical psychological... To identify yourself when you keep stopping the forward momentum to resisting you. Understand the difference in the last segment coming up, if that makes you uncomfortable, you... Meaning of a moment in time released almost all the negative emotions fills with... Belief system caused me unhappiness for most of the time this was written of! Clouded, they may not believe there is a marvelous medicinal power in joy ''! Everything, and let it go longer feel bad moments have led to replace professional medical or psychological.. And because they are clouded, they don ’ t even have to identify yourself you! A purpose is distinctly a Christian can have deep and sometimes painful truths – the pain he has and...
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